In today’s society people would be lost without their cars, cell phones, and computers. Americans don’t know how to live without these advantages to everyday life. The prices of things today, like gas, have put many in debt, but no one lets that stop how they live. Have you ever thought about what your life would be like without your most valuable items? What is it that makes things have such value to a person?The river is calm and almost every boat is back at the dock for the night. The water is like glass and the sun has set behind the mountains. I sit close to the fire as it lights up the sky with its orange, red, and blue flames. The crackling and popping of the wood is loud and the marshmallows smell delicious. I mush the marshmallow between the graham cracker and chocolate, and then I take bit.
I get up from the warmth of the fire and walk down the wooden docks to the boat. They creak with every step I take. I slowly get into the boat and sit down on the cold leather seats to look at the stars. I tilt my head backwards and search the sky. It’s quiet except for the sound of water on the shore, and people laughing up at the fire. If you are patient enough you might actually see a shooting star, or two or three.
The smell of the fire and the sound of people talking get louder. I make my way back to the fire and join in the game of man hunt. It is getting late and I am getting tired so I wrap myself up in a blanket by the fire and I fall asleep. Once it is time to go I get waken up and I have to walk to the car to go home. The summer night is over but it will repeat itself the next weekend.
I grab my orange bag, unzip it, and pull out my lacrosse stick. I slide my goggles over my head and put my orange mouth gaurd in place. I run out on the field and it's time to play some lacrosse. My stick is black with white and yellow strings, and down the side of the shaft it spells Harrow. That is the brand of my lacrosse stick. I have a solo, which means that the stick and the head are in one piece. Although my lacrosse stick was expensive, it was well worth it. I play lacrosse almost all year round and I don’t know what I would do without this sport. It is not only a way that I am relaxed but it also is a lot of exercise and running around. I have made so many new friends from all over through playing lacrosse, and have grown closer with friends I already had. I play lacrosse in the spring, fall, and the winter time.
Without my lacrosse stick I wouldn’t know what to do. Not only does playing lacrosse relax me, but it is also good for when you are angry or stressed. You have all the power you want when you have the ball. You can shoot it as hard as you want into the net and you are in control of all the plays when you have the ball in your stick.
I value both my lacrosse stick and summer nights. Although one has a high price, and the other is priceless, they both play huge roles in my life, both lacrosse and summer nights have a way of relaxing me. I love being with my friends and family and when I am playing lacrosse or down at the river on a summer night, I get to be with both. There is no way that I could ever put a price on either.
With my lacrosse stick I am able to play my favorite sport and be with all of my friends at the same time. Almost nothing gets better then that, but the perfect summer night looking up at the stars is also extremely important to me. The memories that you get from them you will never get back and that is why I think that neither of these things could have a price. If I couldn’t play lacrosse or realx on a summer night, there would definitely be a piece missing from my heart. I can honestly say that lacrosse and the memories of summer nights will never be replaced in my life with anything.
14 comments:
I think that Alicia was trying to say that she values both equally even though they both have very different prices, her lacrosse stick and her summer nights have play a big role in her life. I don't think that Alicia strongly values one over the other.
"The river is calm and almost every boat is back at the dock for the night. The water is like glass and the sun has set behind the mountains."
When Alicia says this I got a really vivid picture in my head of dusk and the river being so silent and I could picture the mood of the night and i could see the sunset colors. I got a perfect image in my head of a summer night!!
I think that Alicia's strong point was imagery because whenever she describes something I got a vivid picture in my mind. One example is, "I sit close to the fire as it lights up the sky with its orange, red, and blue flames." When i read this i got a really great picture of a bonfire and all of the fire colors floating into the sky! The other great example was "I grab my orange bag, unzip it, and pull out my lacrosse stick. I slide my goggles over my head and put my orange mouth guard in place. I run out on the field and it's time to play some lacrosse." In this quote i could just see Alicia running out onto the field and getting ready to play.
Next time I think that you should just take it slow and don't rush things. When you were talking about eating the smore I wanted to know what that tasted like. It might have been just because I was hungry but even if you said like you could taste the fire or something that would have been good. Otherwise the whole thing was EXCELLENT!!!!
I really enjoyed reading your value essay. It seemed like you really valued the nights by the fire and looking at the stars but I also knew how you feel about your lacrosse stuff because I also play. I think it might be a hard decision which one she values more than the other but she doesn't necessarily state which one she favors.
"I tilt my head backwards and search the sky." I think that you described the night by the fire on the boat the most vivedly. I especially liked this sentence because I felt like I could picture someone on your boat just realaxing and looking at the stars.
I think that your strength throughout the essay was definitely organization because I could tell exactly what subject you were on and what you were talking about. The paragraphs flowed nicely from one to the next and nothing was repetitive or monotonous.
Though I thought your essay was great, the only peice of advice I might have would be to explain that when you are by the water you are on the river or wherever you were. Also, I know what your boat looks like, but other people might not so it might be interesting to explain a little about that.
After reading this, i think Alicia seemed to be saying that everything that has a price equals the amount of value a priceless object has. I seemed to think this after I read about her lacrosse stick and summer nights. I also think that Alicia really appreciates the objects with cost. She states that her lacrosse stick was expensive, but she said it was worth it because she uses it so often.
I think the summer nights and her lacrosse stick was the two objects described in this essay that were most clearly described.
"The crackling and popping of the wood is loud and the marshmallows smell delicious. I mush the marshmallow between the graham cracker and chocolate, and then I take bite." I thought this part was really well done because she described it so well. I could get a perfect picture in my head of her making the s'more.
One of the best strengths in this essay was the organization. Alicia did a really good job of having the paragraphs set up in a way that made sense. All the words seemed to flow really well. I liked how you explained the summer nights and lacrosse in seperate paragraphs then you combined the two objects and compared them.
I think Alicia should try and make her conclusion a little stronger. Also, you may want to try and add a few more descriptive details to your introduction. other then this i really liked her essay! Good Job Alicia !
Alicia great job!! i think that she was trying to describe the feeling when your laying on the boat with it silent and the stars above you. Also she did a really good job decribing the fires and every detail at the river.
Again, i beleive alicia did describe her experience around the fire very well. I really enjoyed reading this sentence..." The crackling and popping of the wood is loud and the marshmallows smell delicious. I mush the marshmallow between the graham cracker and chocolate, and then I take bit". I can relate that to me, sitting on summer nights with my friends around the fire.
The author explained her values very well. I was able to get a vivid picture in my head about what was going on. When she was describing the water being like glass, and the cracking and popping of the fire.
For your next draft, i would try and describe her lacrosse stick and experiences more. Maybe more about the game..? I love reading about her summer nights and really got into it, but i think the lacrosse part could use some expanding. Other than that greatt jobb loviee!
Alicia's essay was very good and I enjoyed reading it. I think Alicia was saying that people say common things they have are valuable to them but that isn't their most valuable item. There are two things Alicia most strongly values. They are a perfect summer night sitting by the fire gazing at stars and her lacrosse stick.
The priceless moment I thought was most vividly and clearly described was the summer night. "I sit close to the fire as it lights up the sky with its orange, red, and blue flames." When Alicia said this sentence it was so clear in my head that I thought I was sitting there next to her watching the fire with her. I could see the colorful flames and hear the crackling of the fire. That was one of my favorite parts but everything she wrote about her summer night was beautiful!
One of the essays general strengths was her description. In the second paragraph I got a clear image of what she was describing. The whole essay was like this and I could picture her taking out her lacrosse stick and getting ready to play. The description in her essay was perfect.
One suggestion would be consider writing a little more in her conclusion because everything was written so good that in the end it seemed like she ended it too quickly. That is the only piece of advice I have to give. Other than that I thought it was very good. I enjoyed reading it and learning about what was valuable to Alicia.
The author seems to say that value can be different depending on the person, but anything that makes up who you are is what true value is all about. The author seems to be saying that she values both of her objects in different and similar ways. Both of her objects make up a part of who she is and she wouldn’t want to trade either of them. He objects have a special place in her heart, and without them, she would be incomplete.
I find that the summer nights by the river were most vividly and clearly described. For example the author says, “The water is like glass and the sun has set behind the mountains. I sit close to the fire as it lights up the sky with its orange, red, and blue flames. The crackling and popping of the wood is loud and the marshmallows smell delicious.” This really helps me get a feel for what her summer nights feel like and I actually feel like I am sitting around the fire with her. I can picture this scene clearly in my mind because of her vivid description.
One of this essays overall strengths was the introduction. In the introduction, she hooks you into her essay by asking questions and stating facts. This makes me want to read more about the essay to figure out what the author values in her life. For example in the introduction the author says, “The prices of things today, like gas, have put many in debt, but no one lets that stop how they live. Have you ever thought about what your life would be like without your most valuable items? What is it that makes things have such value to a person?”. This makes me stop and think about what is valuable in my life.
The only thing that I would suggest would be to use better creative words when describing your lacrosse stick. I can get a feel of what it sort of looks like, but not a vivid picture. Have you considered describing the texture of the lacrosse stick? Over all, the author did a good job with her essay.
Great Job Alicia!!
ALica states very clearly and why she values witch is her lacrosse stick and Spending part of the night near and in her boat. She spends the night by the fire and then in her boat when the sun is down and she just calmly watches the stars and waits for a shootng star. This sounds very calm, peacefull and relaxing.
Both of Alica's values were discribed in perfect detail and were very easy and fun to read about. The summer night was a little bit longer and more discrpitive. My favorite thing that she wrote was "I sit close to the fire as it lights up the sky with its orange, red, and blue flames." I could just picture this so well and it brings back memories when i used to do this at CapeCod.
This essay is the best essay that i have read out of all six. This essay was overall strong in every subject of writing. The strongest part of this essay was the discription. I felt like i was watching this instead of reading it. This essay desirves a 100%.
I have no advice for you because this piece of writing is better than anything that i can write. Great job Alica.
The author, Alicia, describes her values very good. By reading her essay you can tell that they mean a lot to her, and play a huge role in her life. I think that her lacrosse means more to her though. I think this because she says how she could not live without her lacrosse stick, and the price was well worth it.
The thing in her essay that I thought was very well described was when she was sitting at the fire near her boat. The line that I though was great was, “The water is like glass and the sun has set behind the mountains.” This is amazing imagery that the author uses. She really makes the reader be able to picture the scenes she remembers.
The essays strengths was the great use of description. She described things like the fires color, and her lacrosse shaft, which brought the story to life. It allowed the reader to picture the whole story very well.
One suggestion would be to go more into depth describing the summer night. She could possibly describe the boat better, or maybe who she is at the fire with. Overall I couldn’t find almost any errors. Great Job Alicia!
Alicia, I like the way you started your introduction by talking about modern people and what is most important to them. Then you made it clear on what your values, which are summer nights and your lacrosse stick. I think you are trying to say that these are values you cannot live without when you say,”Have you ever thought about what your life would be like without your most valuable items?”
Although both values were described very well, I liked your priceless value of summer nights the most because not only can I relate to them, but you use really good description when you said, “I get up from the warmth of the fire and walk down the wooden docks to the boat. They creak with every step I take. I slowly get into the boat and sit down on the cold leather seats to look at the stars.”
In general, I think that the overall strength of this essay is in your conclusion. You clearly explain what your values mean to you and how the are memories are important in your life.
The only piece of advice that I think you need in your essay is to explain the differences between your values such as how they make you feel or the people you are with.
I think Alicia is trying to explain how much she values her items. Even though she paid so much she uses her lacrosse stick a lot and thinks it was worth it. I am not sure if Alicia values one object more. It doesn't seem like she really favors one.
Alicia does a really good job explaining the river. She goes into a lot of vivid detail. She talks about the fire popping and the docks creaking. I could hear the sounds in my head.
Overall I think Alicia did a good job with the flow of the paragraphs. They stop at perfect parts and then the next paragraph smoothly begins with something relating to the one before.
I think all Alicia should do is add a little more in her last paragraph. She could restate her first paragraph a little more. Other than that I think she did a really good job!
After reading Alicia's essay, it sounds to me that she likes things that relax her. Sitting by the fire and eating smores at night is a quiet, calm relaxing thing, and for Alicia, so is playing lacrosse.
I think that Alicia described the night at the river very clearly. It may have helped that I have experienced those same kinds of nights, but I could easily and clearly see the picture of the fire, the stars, and the water in my head. I liked when she said "The water is like glass and the sun has set behind the mountains."
Overall, a strength of this essay would have to be the rich description of the events.This was a really good passage, "I get up from the warmth of the fire and walk down the wooden docks to the boat. They creak with every step I take. I slowly get into the boat and sit down on the cold leather seats to look at the stars."
One thing that she could do to make it a little bit better would be to just re read it once or twice, and fix a few of those silly errors like missing letters or punctuation.
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